coffee at 11pm

the future is daunting, to be sure.

but my heart and mind seem to be somewhere else, and coffee is my best friend these days. and i am awake only when completely necessary. but in this weird state i am creating things that i'm somewhat excited about, so perhaps its not so bad, really. i love old books and tonight i decided to rip some pages out and cut sentences and phrases that when taken out of context can be reassigned to create new and surprising situations. its like a treasure hunt.

"the sky was only unfulfilled space and death

and he had brought her back

the wind had strengthened

The earth around him crashed

crash and spit and snap

He said, "Give me your impatient arms;

you can't make anybody better.

It's awful easy to lose."

this weeks three R's: Rodin, Ronnie & Rocky

my brain is still in vacation mode. i'm back at school after spending spring break in Philly. a week free of worries and the ability to actually relax was much needed. i took the bus, which people are often surprised to find out, but i am fully capable of traveling alone through sketchy bus stops... i just put on my "don't mess with me" face and i'm all set. the main purpose of my trip was to visit Ronnie, one of my greatest friends who i hadn't seen in a year, and it was a great time. he was obliging enough to take me into the city to see the Rodin Museum (aaaammmaaazzzing- theres a reason he's my all-time favorite sculptor) and the Philadelphia Museum of Art. i know museums really aren't everyones cup of tea, but i love them, and him for taking me and not complaining as i dragged him through gallery after gallery for 4 hours. the philly museum is of course featured in the original Rocky film, so even though we didn't run up the steps, we watched other fools do it.




i still don't have concrete decisions for next year. MassArt is definitely out, i really have not had a good experience dealing with their offices and don't want to go to such a huge school. I visited Montserrat, and i LOVED it. i wanted to pack up my suitcase and move there that day. i got my financial aid packet from them and have 70% of the cost of tutition completely paid for, and already aproved for loans for the other 30%. that is GOOD NEWS. i really wasn't expecting that great of a school to be that far within my reach!
while i am learning more and more towards formally accepting the offer from Montserrat, i still want to wait and see what the SMFA has to say.

both schools are amazing, but in the end it may come down to who wants to help me out the most financially. decisions, decisions.

bravery is a facade

"Heroes Are Only Men"

they like me, they really like me

i got home from class today, and an envelope from Montserrat was waiting. I GOT IN! I quickly glanced over acceptance letter and the packet they gave me and it was only when i reread it that i noticed that they gave me the 'founders award" which is five thousand a year for four years! thats not all im going to need of course and it will still take work to make this happen, but i got in!

i;m going out to Beverly on friday to visit the school and hopefully meet with the financial aid people. this trip was already scheduled but now that i know i've been accepted i'm even more excited! i want to explore the town and see the surrounding neighborhood and meet people and everything! aaaah im excited!

dreaming of travel

school update: i'm so busy i can't function.

I am loving all my classes but dealing with all 5 of them coupled with the anxiety I have about my applications is draining me. I've been having trouble sleeping and basically I'm surviving on caffeine and the hopes I have for this fall. In my applications I included a new statement of purpose that I might post here soon. I love to write and so instead of the typical "here is why i want to go to your school" I wrote six little one page 'chapters' about different experiences or people who have changed my life and my view of the world. I think it came out pretty well and I hope the admissions people like it too.

Every time we cover something new in art history I want to pack my bags and get there as soon as possible. Most of the places are not exactly feasible at the moment; Greece, Jerusalem, Madrid, Paris, ect. But today, it was New Mexico and Peru. I can't even begin to imagine the breathtaking views of Machu Pichu, and merely reading about them is just not going to do it for me. I want to see the canyons of the west for myself and stand in the crumbling pueblos and marvel at the ingenuity of the peoples who settled the land. Without horses for transport and even without the wheel, they built massive stone architecture and did so with mathematical accuracy. I mean, these are not just little stone walls. Since I do have an aunt who lives in NM and has connections in Peru, I might actually see these things someday. My aunt is an artist too and though many people in my family don't understand why she does certain things, I still feel a sort of creative kinship with her. Maybe it's an artist thing.

Art History midterm in 2 days. time to study.